Back to December Eleven

“Lanna, Zarth rapat sikit. Oh Zarth, she’s your wife now, tak kan segan lagi kot.” Puas kena usik time nak amek gambar. Lanna rolled eyes. Zarth pulak bila kena sound, he turned to be the best actor, Oscar Award winner. Tapi nak berbual dengan Lanna – haram. He’s being cold, too cold in fact since the wedding day sampai lah sekarang, majlis reception pihak Zarth. It has been two weeks. Throughout that two weeks, they have never been talking kalau tinggal berdua jer. Masing-masing buat hal sendiri. Macam tak kenal before.

Sampai kat Paris pun Lanna dan Zarth masih tak cakap apa-apa. Jalan merayap pun asing-asing. Yes, kat Paris, their honeymoon trip. Untuk syarat jer kot since it doesn’t look like one. And two days before hari yang they should balik Malaysia, Lanna pack all her things time Zarth tak de kat hotel, angkat kaki cabut. Yelah bilik pun dah separate, so, Zarth wont know.

Lanna cabut pergi Germany. Seorang diri. Even she knows they are not in love with each other, but as a wife, hati mana tak sedih kena macam ni. ‘Before kahwin beria. Bila dah kahwin, macma ni pulak. Suruh cancel dulu tak nak. Sekarang buat perangai. Ingat aku apa? Sampah.’ Rungut hati Lanna. Dia sedih. Dia terseksa. Dia buntu. Dia tak tahu nak buat apa. So dia lari. Haizh, lari lagi.

Till she tweeted ‘I guess history do repeat itself. ‘ Macam dejavu. Lanna ketawa sinis sendiri.

Seorang diri kat Berlin, Germany, dia tak rasa apa-apa. Dia dah biasa. Lapan tahun dia sendirian. That time, dia lari, this time pun dia lari jugak. Memang kerja dia lari dari masalah jer. Ni bila dia nak balik, dia pun tak tahu. 8 years lagi ker? Haizh. Lanna terduduk kat tepi tingkap yang mengadap luar, sambil memeluk lututnya. One cup of café latte ada kat sebelah dia. Masih lagi berwap. Panas.

‘Why is it Lanna ada kat Germany again?’ Text from Jane membuat Zarth tersentak.

‘She’s not in her room??’ Dia berbual sendiri. Cepat-cepat dia call hotel operator to find out.

“Sorry sir, I believe that Mdm Lanna has already check out yesterday night."

Jaw dropped. “Oh, okay, thanks.”

Cepat-cepat dia try to call Lanna. But, too bad, she did not answer it. Yelah, mana ada orang lari nak answer phone call. Dang it, Zarth, Good Job!

‘What telah happened between you guys? Lanna tak kan lari kalau just for benda remeh-temeh.’ Mesej from Jane again.

To sms, Zarth rasa its not appropriate to do so. So, dia call Jane.

“I’ll explain.” That’s his first sentence to Jane.

“Assalamualaikum.” Jane sindir beri salam.

“Waalaikumsalam.”

“Indeed, an explaination needed.”

Blablablablablablablablablabla…..

Panjang lebar Zarth explained pat Jane.

“I tak nak tahu all of these. One thing, bawak dia balik.”

“Yeah, I will. I swear.”

Lepas hang up the call, terus dia book for the next flight to Berlin.

On the way pergi airport, he receive another message from Jane.

‘You know something? Paris is her most favourite place. She said herself, she so wanted to go there with her love one.’

‘MasyAllah, what have I done.’ Zarth meraup mukanya.

Nickleback: Far Away

This time, This place

Misused, Mistakes

Too long, Too late

Who was I to make you wait?

Just one chance

Just one breath

Just in case there's just one left

'Cause you know, you know, you know I love you

[Chorus]

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask

Last chance for one last dance

'Cause with you, I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand

I'd give it all

I'd give for us

Give anything but I won't give up

'Cause you know, you know, you know I love you

[Chorus]

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

So far away, so far away

Been far away for far too long

So far away, so far away

Been far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know I wanted, I wanted you to stay

'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say that I love you (That I love you)

I have loved you all along

And I forgive you (And I forgive you) for being away for far too long

So keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore

Believe it

Hold on to me and never let me go

Keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore

Believe it

Hold on to me and never let me go

Keep breathing

Hold on to me and never let me go

Keep breathing

Hold on to me and never let me go

Back to December Nine

Tak lama kemudian, quite a number of saudara mara Lanna yang ada, datang ke taman tu. Tengok apa yang telah terjadi. Yelah dah terjerit macam orang kena rasuk. Tak pun macam besok tak jadi kahwin. Apa kes? Semua orang menggelupurlah the bride of the day jerit that style. Semua mata tertumpu kat Lanna dan Fedzra sekarang. And one of them is Jane. Yeah, Jane. Tapi Jane dah macam terkejut pun ada, seram sejuk pun ada. Apa salah dia?

Fedzra tengok sekeliling. Dia dah gelisah.Tak tahu nak buat apa, dia hanya tergaru-gru belakang kepala yang tak gatal.

And, entah dari mana, Tengku Zarth pun muncul dalam ramai-ramai.

“Lanna are you okay? Is everything okay here dude?” Soal Farzhim.

Macam baru tersadar, Lanna akhirnya menganggukan kepala.

“Im so sorry, Im fine. That was loud, I guess” Lanna tersengih.

Fedzra pun hanya boleh anggukkan kepalanya. ‘Yea, babe that was freaking loud.’ Dalam hati.

And semua orang pun masuk dalam balik, continue kerja masing-masing. Bikin havoc jer Si Lanna ni. Haizh.

Semua orang masuk except for Zarth yang masih lagi wondering whats going on.

“Jane, don’t you think you can just run and hide.” Lanna dah buat muka jaga-kau-asal-tak-bagitahu-aku kinda face.

Jane pulak dah buat muka ‘apa-salah-aku’

“Tell me everything babe!”

“What?” Jane angkat kening. Jane tengok Fedzra, Fedzra angguk.

“Ooooooohh. That thing.”

“Yeaaaaah, THAT thing. THAT you HIDE from me”

“Actually I wanted to tell you before, but I don’t know when and how. Yet, I felt guilty too. He was with you last time. I rasa macam I rampas yours. Kita rapat, and I don’t know how things suddenly change. And I couldn’t help it. And I takut you marah. I takut you broken hearted. I takut you lari lagi. And Im sorry” Jane dah buat muka rasa bersalah sangat-sangat. Mata dah merah.

“Jane, that was a story of mine EIGHT years ago. And I was the one who LEFT. Angkat kaki jalan. Lari. Not that you rampas him from me. “ Lanna tak nak Jane rasa bersalah lagi. Jane helped her a lot. Like a lot, a lot. Too much to list out.

“Im sorry.” Jane cakap lagi.

“Hey, babe, Its okay. In fact, Im happy for both of you. “

“You are? Tak marah ker?” Lanna geleng kepala.

“Guys, whats the drama?” Zarth all of the sudden menyampuk.

Urgh! “Why are you here?” Bukan pengantin tak boleh jumpa ker in 24hours time?

“I was actually sending something. So, whats the drama?” Zarth tanya lagi.

“Naah, its nothing. Its none of your business.” Lanna menjeling Zarth yang padanya kepoh hal orang.

“So, Jane, I boleh arrangekan” Lanna mengajuk ayat Jane tadi.

“Ohh, are you jealous?” Jane dan Lanna dah on her way nak masuk dalam.

And Fedzra still kat luar. Dia rasa bersalah kat Zarth.

“Aku balik dulu. Selamat Pengantin Baru in advance dude!” Fedzra dan Zarth saling kenal. Tapi Zarth tak tahu that part of Lanna’s history. Dia tak tahu yang Fedzra was one of the character before.

Zarth hanya senyum. “Yeah, aku pun kena balik.”

Nampak jer tenang, nampak jer cool, dalam hati Zarth macam wondering gila about what telah happened tadi. And apa kena mengena Lanna-Fedzra-Jane?? Somebody please tell me something.

Back To December Five

Tadi dia called Zarth minta jumpa kat office sekejap. Zarth agreed, tapi dia tak nak jumpa kat office, Zarth kata dia tak de kat office, so nak patah balik dia malas. Zarth minta jumpa kat Secret Recipe jer.

‘Asal jauh sangat?’ Pfft.

Sebab nak discuss hal penting yang amat sangat, dia terpaksa pergi jugak. Haizh, lunch time confirm jammed.

Bila dah sampai, dia nampak Zarth dah sampai dahulu.

“Im not late ,kan?” Lanna tengok jam kat tangan.

“Nope, Im early. Please have a seat.”

“Thanks, anyway, Im not gonna be staying long. I just nak cakap.”

“You nak cakap ape?” Zarth potong cakap Lanna.

Lanna tarik nafas panjang-berat. “I tak nak kahwin”

“Oh.” Itu jer yang keluar dari mulut Zarth. He seems tenang jer. Sit back, silang kaki tengok Lanna.

“Say something” Dang it,dude! Ive just rejected u. Helloo..

“I nak cakap ape? I tak boleh buat apa dah, The thing, is in two weeks time. Kalau you nak call off the plan. You do it lah.”

“Apasal pulak I yang kena? Bukan I yang plan everything. Cuma that time jer I ikut you beli the ring.”

“Dah you yang tak nak.”

“But you lelaki. Kalau I yang called off the plan, tak ke nampak macam you’re the loser?”

“Hello, so, I will look bad on others’ eyes? Macam tu?”

“Hell care about them”

“That’s you. But Im not that kinda guy. Lagi satu, I tak nak pasal I, my company’s reputation jatuh.”

Haizhh. “Fine, I will be the one who will cancel everything. Bawak sini all those contact numbers.”
“Sorry, its with my PA. Call her for all the details. Im off.” Zarth angkat kaki jalan. Nampak sangat marah. Air yang dia order pun tak habis minum.

Dalam kereta, Zarth terdiam. Dia meraup mukanya. ‘Lanna, Lanna.’

“Yatt, If a girl with the name of Lanna or anything to do with her, dia mintak apa-apa ker, just don’t give ok?” Setelah membuat panggilan, dia campak Blackberry-nya ke seat penumpang.

“Jane! He left me alone kat sini. Heyy, dia yang ajak nak jumpa kat sini, pastu dia boleh main blah camtu jer. Sabar Lanna,sabar.”

“Ohh, that’s bad. What have you done? Btw, you guys date?? HOMG! Tell me stories that I don’t know.”

“Heyy, yang you excited kenapa? I mintak jumpa kat office, dia kat luar, dia tak nak patah balik. Jauh.”

“Whoaa, why did you wanna see him? Rindu,issit?”

“Huhh? I tak nak kahwin. That’s what Ive told him just now.” Lanna cakap dengan satu nafas.

“WHY DID YOU ASK FOR THAT? AND NO WONDER DIA ANGKAT KAKI JALAN BABE!” Jane pun cakap dengan satu nafas.

….and the rest is history.

Back to december 1

Lanna masuk ke dalam bilik tidurnya yang telah lama ditinggalkan. Semuanya masih lagi seperti dahulu. Susunan perabot, warna dinding dan gambar-gambar dia dan rakan-rakan di rak hiasan.

Sejurus itu kakinya melangkah ke sliding door. Langsir berwarna dark purple itu diselak dan sliding door itu dibuka luas - membiarkan cahaya mentari masuk menyegarkan udara dalam bilik yang telah lama tidak berpenghuni itu. Langkahnya terhenti ketika dia melintasi meja belajar. Ada frame yang diterbalikkan. Frame warna purple. Lanna masih ingat lagi frame itu hadiah dari siapa. Dengan perlahan Lanna terbalikkan frame itu semula. Masih lagi gambar yang sama. Ditatap gambar itu - lama. Gambar dirinya bersama si dia. Gambar mereka berdua. Gambar lama - 9 tahun yang lalu. Gambar yang memegang banyak memori indah. Gambar yang juga menyimpan segunung rasa bersalahnya kepada si dia - sampai sekarang.

"Hi, awak Lanna kan? Im sorry kalau this is a bit inappropriate. But, I have been watching you since just now, and I think, you're cute. " Lelaki itu senyum sambil tayang 'peace' sign. Lanna pula hanya terdiam sebab terkejut dengan kehadiran lelaki itu dengan tiba-tiba. Entah dari mana.

"So, if you don't mind, may I have your number?" Lelaki itu sambung lagi.

Lanna bertambah blurr. Jelas di ekspresi mukanya.

"Err…" Lanna tak tahu nak kata apa.

"May I..?" Tanya lelaki itu sekali lagi.

"Facebook can?" Jawab Lanna.

"Err, yeah, sure. Bolehlah" Lelaki itu senyum lagi.

Lanna diam lagi. Lidah dia kelu. Dirinya sendiri kaku. First time kot ada guy yang dare to just come and approach her like this and ask for her number.

"Err, so..?" Lelaki itu bersuara setelah melihat Lanna hanya diam.

"Oh,yeah..wait." Lanna keluarkan iPhone-nya dan type her own email address lepas tu bagi lelaki tadi baca.

"oh,ok. Thanks." Lelaki itu senyum dan terus beredar.

Lanna hanya mengangguk.

"Who is he?" Tanya Jane (Tengku Jannath Ayeesha An-Shah) yang datang dari belakang Lanna. Jane tadi pergi membeli makanan dari satu kedai kat Foodcourt.

"I have no idea." Lanna hanya menggelengkan kepala. Serius, memang dia tak tahu siapa lelaki tadi.

Tuk,tuk,tuk.

Pintu bilik diketuk perlahan dari luar menyedarkan Lanna dari memori lama. Memori pertama yang tercipta antara dirinya dan lelaki itu. Memori tentang kisah perkenalan mereka.

Lanna menoleh kearah pintu biliknya.

"Ya Ummu, ada pape ker?"

"'Ku Lanna, 'Ku Haikal panggil 'Ku Lanna turun - untuk makan. Mereka semua sudah berkumpul dari tadi." Ummu - pengasuhnya semenjak dia berusia 12 tahun lagi.

"Terima kasih Ummu. Lanna turun sekarang." Ummu pun menundukkan kepala dan terus beredar membiarkan Lanna sendirian.

The Day I Remember

- Saturday morning -

The clock shows 8 and its Saturday,

Bangun jer Im looking for my hp dulu,

'Selamat pagi and I love you' All I wanna say,

Hoping that you're always thinking of me too..

Lepastu bangun and made my way for shower,

Time nak breakfast doorbell bunyi - kacau jer,

Bila bukak, ade mamat bunga hantar flower,

Depan dia,I control suka dalam hati macam nk jerit aje!

Im dancing sambil tengok 3 lily tadi lama,

Ada card I saw then terus I baca,

'Hey babe! I love you foreva' tu jer ker?

Dari siapa? Buat I tertanya-tanya.

Baru nk continue makan hp I bunyi,

From the ringtone I know that you call me.

'Hey babe! I love you foreva' u told me,

I smile sampai telinga coz I tau you lah hantar tu lily.

'Thanks' I said and you ask 'Untuk ape?'

Chey, tak nak ngaku pulak, takpe.

'For the bouquet of red roses' I tipu jer,

'Huh?! I order 3 lilys lah' Thats it! You admit, kan dah terkena.

Hahaha - I gelak tak ingat dunia,

You kat sana dah diam sbb tergelabah ikut suka,

'You like it?' Control macho you tanya,

I replied 'Yeah, Im loving it. Thanks again my dear'

Then kita bergayut and breakfast together,

I makan toast bread you makan cereal ajer,

'Breakfast dgn dia' I update dekat twitter,

My adik tanya 'He's here ker?'

I replied 'tak lah,3G kan ade'

'Okaylah sayang,see you later'

I asked 'Saturday pun busy ker?'

You geleng 'Nanti malam kita skype, dear'

'I just have an important meeting later'

After we hang up, I went to my room,

I tgk through tingkap, cuaca so sweet for jalan2,

I picked my best dress and put lil make up on,

Full blast my ipod and Im just trying to have fun.

The wind so nice and the day tak panas,

But I still put my sunglasses on acting cool,

Pfft - I sigh bila tgk jam baru 3 plus,

Time jalan ade org shout 'Hey girl, you look beautiful'

Penat jalan I duduk kejap kat park,

Sambil tu I check any update kat twitter,

Suddenly someone said hi and I look up,

God, how come you know Im here!

'I checked twitter, you dekat mana'

'Lols!' bru nak impress thought you know I kat mana,

'Dah habis meeting ker' I tanya,

'Tgh meeting lah ni, wif my beautiful lover'

I blushing diam tunduk jer,

You ambil sebelah earpiece pasang kat my ear,

You play lagu yang kita sama-sama suka,

Hey dear, I will remember that day till forever. :)

pieceofwordsonwrittenpaper: anna-velvetesprada

Hey, I Miss You!

Before you baca,
Lemme tell you something that you've already and always know.
Nothing else boy - Yeah, I miss you so!

Weather is nice while Im alone, walking,
Counting every steps I make sambil dgr lagu,
Sambil jalan2 I smile if our song is playing,
Guess wut? The no of steps sama banyaknya rindu aku pada kamu.

While walking, I look up to the sky,
It is blue and ada airplane passing by,
I close my eye and make a wish dalam hati,
Hey airplane, sampaikan rinduku with harapan aku selalu kau ingati.

Ku harap panas hingga ke ptg,
Tapi gerimis turun membasahi bumi,
Terpaksa aku berlari ke hentian,
Kerana aku selalu lupa pesanmu itu, sorry.

It didn't last long and the sky is cerah again,
Now the rain has stopped, I sambung balik my journey.
Time jalan, I look up to the sky again,
Guess wut make me happy? I see pelangi!

Im walking still when nampak couple dating,
They look so cute, so loving you know,
Btw, nak tahu tak right now what Im feeling?
Tak lain tak bukan,boy, I miss you so!

Yes Im sad and tak nak tengok ape lagi,
I jalan tunduk jer lepas tu sambil kira pebbles kat tepi
I geram punya pasal I sepak satu batu,
'Adoi!' suara macam kenal, I look up and 'God! its you!'

Mata I tak pejam terkejut terkedu,
I cubit pipi nak tahu real ker mimpi,
You kat depan pegang dahi sbb tadi kena batu,
But you're still smiling when looking at me.

'Hey sayang' you call me when I diam aja,
You help me cubit my pipi to sedar its real you,
But actually I dah tau, cuma rasa guilty je.
'Sorry' I said, you reply 'Naah, sikit jer tu'

I tanya you how come you're here,
You said your heart told you that there's a girl miss you,
I tanya lagi you tak miss girl tu jugak ker?
You look at me lama, and whisper 'every breath i take, reminds me of you'

The girl senyum and blushing later,
The boy pulak diam, hold her hands, stand closer.
They then walk together, happily ever after,
And I guess that's the end of a sweet moment of aku dan dia.

Pertama Ramadhan

Isle dan Amani sibuk tolong Umi kat dapur. Hari ini first day of puasa. So, semangat sikit lah semua nak berbuka. Bila sudah masuk waktu maghrib, mereka jamah sikit - start with manisan, pengat pisang yang Umi buat tadi. Lepastu semua sembahyang. Uncle jadi Imam.

Malam tu lepas terawikh, Papa Isle call.

"Hows my darling?"

"Pretty fine.."

"Good to hear that."

"Isle nak balik."

"Kalau Isle balik, tak ada siapa yang nak jaga Isle macam sekarang ni. Dont u rasa macam tenang jer kat sana compared what've you got here?"

"Memanglah, tapi sampai bila Isle nak stuck kat sini Papa. I need my life back lah. This is so not my life."

"Isle stay kat sana the whole Ramadhan, nanti Papa datang jenguk Isle."

"Got to go. Isle nak tidur, nanti tak dapat bangun sahur. Bye, Salam ramadhan."

"Bye, take care anak Papa." Papa Isle dah matikan talian. Direnung handphone di tangannya - sejenak. Lepas tu, dia pandang potret arwah isterinya di dinding bilik tidur itu.

"Im sorry sayang, Abang gagal untuk mendidik anak kita. However, its good to know that she's doing well there with with Fariz and Nadea. " Hanya keluhan yang boleh diluahkan.

Bagi Isle pula, panggilan dari Papa tadi memang sangat-sangat dinantikan. Entah kenapa, dia sengaja cakap dengan Papa dia nak balik, tapi sebenarnya - tidak. Dia bahagia kat sini dengan Umi, Uncle, Ameen dan Amani walaupun Amani tak berapa ngan dengan dia.

Isle baring ngadap dinding.

Ding-ding. iPhone Isle berbunyi - satu mesej diterima.

- Dania buat pe? - From Iman

- Lying down, thinking of seriously nothing. - Reply Isle

- Tak online? - From Iman lagi.

- No mood. I dont wanna face them right now. Need time of my own. - Reply Isle lagi

- I see. So actually why are you here? Curiosity :D - From Iman

- Im supposed to back on my previous attitude and behavior track, like I used to be last 5 months - Reply Isle

- Rebelling? - From Iman

- Kinda. - Reply Isle

- Reason? - From Iman

- Ive lost both: My mom's love and ....dad's as well. - Reply Isle

- I thought you still have your dad? - From Iman

- Yeah, but he seems to forget that he still has a daughter to be taken care of. A teenage daughter that still needs her father's love.

- Im sorry, shudnt ask you in the first place. Are you okay? - From Iman.

- Sad - Reply Isle

- Dont be, cheer up! He maybe gg thru hard times as well, To lose someone that you love is not easy. - From Iman

- Thanks. Got to go, I need to sleep. Nights - Reply Isle.

- Naah, it was nothing. Be tough and be strong, girl. It aint easy to face all these. I unds. Nights. - Last message from Iman.

Lepas baca mesej tu, Isle bangun, bukak tingkap, duduk kat veranda kejap - tengok langit. Dah lama dia tak buat macam tu. Dulu selalu before tidur, dia tengok langit dengan mama, kira bintang, sambil share stories. 'I miss you mama, I miss you so much. Im so sorry sebab turned into something like this - something that you sure didn't expect from me.' Isle kesat air mata yang mengalir di pipinya.