Thursday, November 3, 2011

Back To December Eight

“Why are you here?” Soal Lanna.

“Tak nak jemput I for your wedding ker?”


“Sampai hati you.”

“Fedzra, I-“ Lanna mula bersuara.

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time

And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

“Im sorry.” Habis berjurai air mata once dia habis cakap that word.

“Im sorry for everything. Everything.” Lanna dah teresak-esak.

Fedzra berjalan mendekati Lanna.

“Shht, hey, apa nih bride nangis. Save your tears. Remember, what Ive told you before. Kalau nak nangis biarlah for something worth your tears.” Lanna tengok Fedzra.

Fedzra hulurkan sapu tangan.

Tapi Lanna tak dapat ambil, dia tunjukkan tangannya yang berinai. Dia senyum. Fedzra pun senyum.

Fedzra lapkan air mata Lanna. Like he used to do before. 8 years back. Lapan tahun dahulu.


Dorang duduk kat pondok rehat yang ada. Mula-mula dua-dua terdiam.

“Lanna lari sebab-“

“Its okay, Jane explained to me everything.”

“No, I want you to hear it from me.”


“I lari sebab my parents died. My nenda died. And I lari sebab I tak tahu nak bagi tahu you apa yang I accidentally made a promise to my nenda that I agreed nak kahwin dengan Zarth. I didn’t even know him that time. And you knew that my nenda is one of my everything before. And Ive lost Bonda, Papa, Ive lost Nenda, I couldn’t afford to lose you next when I tell you that cold fact. Coz, I know its hard. I couldn’t accept it myself either. And may be I was childish before. So the only thing that I could think of was a runaway. Left everything behind. And I missed the fact that I was actually leaving you as well. Leaving you is a mistake, left you unexplained, is another thing. I couldn’t even forgive myself for that. All this while masa kat Germany, I nak balik when I’d realise what Ive done. But to face all those things Ive left, I couldn’t even forgive myself. I malu. Malu dengan semua orang. Malu dengan Ayah Engku, Malu dengan Jane. Malu dengan you…” Sekali lagi, matanya berair.

“Shht. Don’t cry.”

“Its okay..”

“Hey, you don’t tell me its okay after everything Ive done to you. At least be mad, slap me, yell to me, don’t pretend that everything was fine before. Please, at least I know that my runaway was actually worth something, For saying its okay, you made me feel even worst. Fedzra!”

Fedzra hanya senyum.

“God, don’t smile. Tak ada perasaan ehk?”

“Then, takkan you nak I marah you macam orang gila. Goncang you and ask, why Sara, why did you do that to me? Why? Apa salah I? Sampai hati you. Meratap, marah-marah, mengamuk. Besides, its your wedding day tml. And your relatives are all here. Mati I nanti. Well, call me ya ya papaya, I don’t mind, but I guess, 8 years have actually made me a man. I thought about it long enough. And, you said yourself last time, if you did leave me, don’t be sad, don’t cry for that, move on. Coz, Allah knows best. Ring a bell?”

“Im sorry. Again. For everthing.”

“Enough of saying that word.”

“You didn’t even tell me that you’ve forgave me. How would I stop?”

“Okay, You’re forgiven, Sara. Now, smile. Okay, I miss that beautiful smile of yours.” Lanna senyum.

“Btw, I came to tell you a story of mine too. Don’t be surprised. We’re friends now kan?”

Lanna dah berkerut. “Ooookaayy.”

“That was quite a wonder. Anddd, that 'okay' was rather long too.” Fedzra dah macam seram.

“When I told you that Ive moved on, I did. And …”

“Jane??” Soal Lanna.

Fedzra berkerut. But dengan perlahan dia menganggukkan kepala.

“HOMGGG!! Tengku Jannath Ayeesha An-Shah!!” Jerit Lanna.

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