Friday, November 25, 2011

Holes Inside 1

When all that you've tried, leaves nothing but holes inside,
It seems like you're wired, to stay here held in time,
Cos nothing seems to change, oh no.
No nothing's gonna change, at all.
I can see it in your face, the hope has gone astray

Lagu Joe Brooks, Holes Inside berkumandang.

He's on his knee looking at her, Nadine. Nadine masih lagi duduk. Terpaku sekejap tengok perbuatan Adam yang tiba-tiba.
"Please." Kata Adam. Nadine mendongak tengok kat Eza, kawan baiknya semenjak dari Tingkatan lagi, sampailah sekarang, dah habis buat diploma. Eza mengangguk dan senyum.

Macam ada semangat dari situ,Nadine tengok balik Adam yang masih menanti. Dia sambut huluran tangan Adam. Dan Adam bangun,mereka menuju ke dance floor.

But if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cos sometimes, fate and your dreams will collide.
So don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me

Tangan Adam berada di pinggang Nadine. Nadine pula melingkarkan tangannya kat leher Adam. Mereka menggerakkan badan mengikut alunan muzik. Masing-masing senyap. Tak bersuara. Makin lama, Nadine makin terlentok kat dada bidang Adam.

Your feet are stuck, no they cannot move,
Don't tell me that they're glued,
Yeh they're far from.
At home, at ease but give sometime to breathe

When nothing seems to change, oh no.
No nothing's gonna change, at all.
I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away.

Mereka masih lagi senyap. Adam tengok Nadine. 'Girl, I once thought it will be a happy ending for us both?' Bisik hati Adam.

But if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cos sometimes, fate and your dreams will collide.
So don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me

Nadine, terimbas kembali semua kenangan antara mereka berdua. Dari dulu, sebelum kenal, sampai dah terlebih kenal. Ada manis, ada duka, ada pahit, ada gembira. Mengingatkan kembali itu semua, teringat dia akan keputusan mereka. Dan, ada air mata yang terbit.

But everthing will be ok,
I know that it's so easy to say,
But the pain inside will fade,
Please tell me that you'll stay.

If we hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cos sometimes, fate and your dreams can collide.
So don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me.......

"Thanks" Kata Adam. Nadine sekadar mengangguk. Nadine menuju ke meja dia semula. Dia ambil beg tangannya, dan terus melangkah. "Nad, mana?" Tanya Eza.

"Ladies" Pendek dia menjawab. Dia perlu lekas. Air matanya yang ditahan dari tadi, akan mengalir bila-bila sahaja. Dan dia, tak nak Adam nampak air mata itu.

Eza turut melangkah, menyusul Nadine. Dia tahu kawannya itu sedih. Dia tahu Nadine tak mahukan perpisahan. Tetapi entah kenapa, masing-masing behave this way. Behave as if they love their ego much more than each other. Haizh. What are they trying to prove, to show? She just couldnt figure that out.

"Babe, you okay?" Jerit Eza dari luar cubical. Nadine masih lagi kat dalam. Tiada jawapan. But, beberapa saat kemudian, ada pintu cubical yang terbuka. Nadine keluar. Mata dan hidung merah. Eza tengok jer Nadine yang sedang touch up make up kat depan sink.

"You sure with what you decide?" Eza bertanya sekali lagi. Nadine tersentak. Terhenti sekejap tangannya yang sedang apply bronzer kat pipi. Sekejap jer, dia diam tak menjawab, and continue with lip gloss pulak.

Eza geleng kepala. "You both sama jer stubborn"

"He decided that okay? Abih aku nak cakap apa? Dia yang dulu buat keputusan time tu"


"From now, kita buat hal sendiri. You with your world, Im with mine. And I wont touch yours!!" Tinggi suara Adam. Matanya nampak sangat sedang marah banar kat Nadine. Nadine pulak dah terkedu kat tepi. 'Apa aku cakap? Tersalah timing ker?' Nadine menggigit bibir sendiri. Matanya masih lagi melawan pandangan benci Adam ketika itu. Dia tak tahu apa yang buat Adam marah sangat. Dan bila dia tenung Adam, dalam. Dia tak nampak sesalan bila dah cakap macam tu. Adam betul-betul maksudkannya.

Baiklah. "Fine." Itu jer jawab Nadine. Adam tengok Nadine yang macam pasrah. Dia tidak melawan semula. Tak membantah macam biasa. Tak menjawab macam dulu. So, its true then. Haizh. Nadine dilihatnya melangkah masuk ke bilik Nadine. Adam turun bawah dan ingin keluar. Dia ambil kunci kat atas meja dan angkat kaki. Pintu sempat dihempas kuat.

Di bilik, Nadine terkejut dek terdengar hempasan kuat pintu. Nadine tak dapat tahan lagi. Dia menangis semahu-mahunya. Kenapa Adam tak percayakannya? Kenapa Adam meraguinya? Terduduk dia di lantai, kat tepi katil. DIa menarik lututnya ke dalam pelukan.

So don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me..

Adam yang dah memandu keluar tadi, terhenti sekejap kat tepi jalan. Dia tarik handbrake. Mukanya diraup. 'Nadine, why did you do this to me?' Dia hentakkan tangannya kat steering wheel. Siapa tak marah bila kena macam ni.

With a blue rose, he came around. dah lama dia tak jumpa Nadine. He missed her so much! Memanglah dulu tak berapa kisah, tapi sekarang, dia terjatuh sayang dah. Tak terkata. Laju langkahnya menuju ke tempat yang dikatakan Nadine tadi semasa membuat panggilan. As he said, once touchdown, he will right away call her.

Bila dia tiba di tempat yang Nadine katakan itu, Adam tergamam. Langkahnya yang laju tadi, beransur perlahan. Matanyatak lepas memandang Nadine. Nadine dengan Afiq. Nadine dengan Afiq sedang berbual mesra. Dan kat tangan Afiq ada blue rose jugak. Okay, maybe this is just a misunderstanding Adam. Angel in his heart saying that. But, the devil in him, 'Afiq was her fiancee. No wonder she's not answering few calls from you when you're away.'

Dia menuju kearah mereka. Nadine yang perasankannya, hanya melihat. 'Say something, dear, so the devil in me will just go away' But, tiada kata-kata dari Nadine, sebaliknya Nadine buat muka pelik.

"Adam? Whoa dude, what a coincidence. Have a seat." Sebaliknya Afiq yang bersuara. Mata Adam masih lagi melekat kat Nadine. Nadine pulak dah terdiam seribu bahasa. Apa aku nak kata kat Afiq nih. He's not supposed to be here. People shouldnt know that Im married. Oh Gosh! Act macam biasa Nad.

"Eh, Adam, yeah have a seat" Adam hanya mengikut rentak mereka berdua. Afiq dan Nadine contiue talking after that. Adam macam kena left out. Lepas tu, Afiq bangun dan melihat jam di pergelangan tangannya. "Jom, Nadine, Adam. I think its time." Afiq jalan kedepan sedikit. Bukan dia tak tahu pasal mereka berdua. Pasal Adam dan Nadine. Nak gelak jer tadi bila tengok muka Adam. Sengaja dia merancang itu semua. Dulu bukan main lagi, tak sayang lah tak heran lah. Hammppehh! Guards in your heart tak boleh pakai lah Adam. Jatuh jugak kann? Ada senyuman di bibir Afiq.

Adam dan Nadine pulak jalan berdua di belakang Afiq.
"Bila nak kasi the blue rose to me? Dont you wanna be the first who wish me?" Tanya Nadine sambil mengusik. Adam tengok Nadine kat sebelah. Macam tak de pape, jer budak Nadine nih. Orang dah almost nanar dah ni. So, Adam buat bodoh jer dengan usikan Nadine tu. Dia tak jawab apa-apa. But he didnt decide to leave too. Saja nak tengok drama apa yang Afiq dan Nadine akan lakonkan.

Its an Award Show issit? Dia tengok kat pentas, Adam tengok sekeliling. Dia tengok kat dress with blue blazer yang Nadine pakai. Then, he looked at himself. Hmm, lucky Im in the right attire. Dah lah kawan-kawan Nadine dan Afiq ni semua in fashion world. Yelah, fashion designers. And fashion show jugaklah yang dah jumpakan dia dan Nadine. Fashion Show jugaklah yang dragged both of them in serious case. Serious Case of Adam Nadine? Heh! Sounds like Serious Case of Benjamin Button jer gamaknya.

"Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome on stage, the most beautiful lady, my love, Nadine Ayra and her summer collections from ND Diane" Tepukan gemuruh daripada seluruh yang hadir. Lagu Fly from Rihanna ft Nicki Minaj berkumandang.

'I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive.
I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise'
To fly. To fly'

Nadine bangun dan melangkah ke arah pentas. Tak lekang senyuman di bibirnya. Adam juga bangun. Nadine once thought he's standing to give her the blue rose in front of others. Kiss her and make every girls yang datang jealous. But, Nadine tengok Adam melangkah pergi. Tak tengok pun dia kat pentas. Takde senyuman, tak toleh pun. Takde congratulation ker apa. But Adam bangun menuju ke pintu with 'EXIT' sign and kat tepi tu ada tong sampah, Sempat dia campak the bouquet of blue roses tu. Nadine dah tergamam.

Afiq kat sebelah yang tahu what's happening, mencuit Nadine. Nadine tengok Afiq, mata dah merah. Afiq mengisyaratkan dia untuk teruskan ucapannya.

Balik rumah, Afiq hantar dia. Buka sahaja pintu, dia terserempak Adam yang sedang minum air kat couch tengok bola. Nadine tengok jam ditangan. Its 3am. Fine, its Adam and Liverpool. Apa yang nak dihairankan. Nadine masih lagi merajuk akan perbuatan Adam tadi. Why did he leave just like that?

Time dia nak naik atas, Adam bersuara. "Please, move all your things out from my room." Nadine tersentak. Dia toleh kat Adam. Minta penjelasan. Tak jadi dia naik atas. Dia tengok Adam lama. But Adam tak tengok pun dia. Dia turun balik and standing betul-betul kat depan tv, Blocking him from watching the match.

"Move lah!" Adam dah naik berang. Dah lah kena hentam dengan Arsenal. Nadine masih lagi buat kepala batu dia.
'Goal!! from Arsenal' terdengar dia jeritan from the commentator. "What the HELL??" Adam dah jerit. Dia dah berdiri, remote kat tangan dah terhayun macam nak pukul Nadine. Nadine dah tunduk tutup telinga. Masing-masing terkedu dengan apa yang terjadi.

"Belah lah!! Naik atas." Jerit Adam kat Nadine. Nadine makin tergamam.
"What is wrong with you? Kena sampuk ker aper?" Tanya Nadine, memberanikan diri. And Adam bersuara lagi lepas Nadine tanya dia. "From now, kita buat hal sendiri. You with your world, Im with mine. And I wont touch yours!!" Tinggi suara Adam.

"He decided that okay? Abih aku nak cakap apa? Dia yang dulu buat keputusan time tu" Tanya Nadine kat Eza yang memandangnya.
"Yes, he decided that? But, have you ever tell him that you love him now? Maybe he will tarik balik his words after know that lil fact."
"Whats that for? Tak guna lah Eza. It wont be the same. He didnt trust me anymore"
"I'll tell him?"
"No! Dont. No need." Nadine pack her things letak balik dalam handbag and her way out from the toilet. Sampai kat luar, dia tergamam Adam yang bersandar di dinding toilet. Nadine diam.

"Done? Lets go home." Adam bersuara.
"i drove here"
"I called Pak Awi to take your car tadi" Pffft. Nadine mengeluh. Suka jiwa dia jer. Nadine melihat Adam yang sudah melangkah kearah elevator nak turun pergi basement.

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